Blitzo: *sighs* I had that f*cking shot. God dammit, Moxxie!
Martha: Satan! We return your FILTHY creatures back to the pits of Hell!
[Martha rises her torch as You, Blitzo and Millie struggle to free themselves.]
Martha: May the root of evil remain honored as we continue thy WORK!
[Martha grunts as she tosses the torch to the ground, where it lands under You, Blitzo and Millie. Evil laughter follows. The flames rise up around You, Blitzo and Millie, but The three of you remain unharmed.]
Y/N: Hey um lady, hate to break it to you but that's not exactly how it works, See, your fire doesn't really hurt us, but, I mean, But if it gets you horny, I could fake it.
[You, Millie and Blitzo smirk. Martha stares confused.]
Martha: Oh. sh*t.
[Martha rolls her eyes.]
Martha: Well... I'll just shoot you in your smart-ass mouth!
[She grins and pulls out her rifle.]
Blitzo: That would be more effective.
You and Millie: *angrily* Blitzo!
[Martha laughs evilly again as she aims her rifle at the imps. All three imps close their eyes and flinch. Martha then yelps as a gunshot is heard. Martha's eye flies from her socket and she collapses to the ground. Moxxie is shown holding his gun.]
Millie: Moxxie!
Y/N: Dad!
[Moxxie runs over and unties the rope, freeing You, Blitzo and Millie.]
Blitzo: You're not gettin' your goddamn paycheck for this one, Mox!
[Blitzo falls down. You, Moxxie and Millie hug. Ralphie trips backwards on Martha's body before fleeing the scene.]
Blitzo: *sarcastically* Oh, yeah, thanks! I'm fiiine!
[Moxxie helps Blitzo up and supports him.]
Moxxie: I'm sorry, sir. I compromised our objective and put us in harm's way. It won't happen again. I promise.
[Blitzo pulls Moxxie into a hug.]
Blitzo: Apology accepted. *speaks in a low voice* But, if you ever pull a stunt like this agaaaaain, I will f*ck you and your wife.
[Blitzo lets go as Moxxie looks fearfully. Millie raises her arms in a cheer.]
Blitzo: Alrighty! Job well done! Now let's get off.
[Blitzo pulls a gray and black horse toy from his chest. He puts it back and retrieves his cell phone.]
Moxxie: Ehhhh, yeah. Give me a moment. I need to get something I left at the house.
Blitzo: Okay, fine. But, hurry up.
[Blitzo speaks loudly into the phone.]
Blitzo: Loonaaaa! We're ready to come home, dear!
[Moxxie runs through the woods with a determined look on his face. Stolas has continued to rave over the phone about his plans for Blitzo.]
Stolas: *over the phone in the background* ... (bleeped) use while you and I and (bleeped) and jelly sandwiches all night...!
[We then see the two kids being lifted into their father's arms in the corner of the house. Moxxie points his rifle at them. The girl and boy look scared and the girl has a teddy bear with her.]
Moxxie: Don't move!
Ralphie: *chuckles* What are you gonna do little guy? Kill us?
Moxxie: I should! You people are monsters! But... you should have a chance at a life and a purpose. Look at your children. They have their whole future ahead of them! You are going to face your crimes justly!
[Moxxie picks up the something resembling a phone.]
Moxxie: I will call your earthly authorities, and they will make sure you are dealt with fairly. I'm handling this... my way.
[Moxxie presses a button and the television turns on. Moxxie looks surprised and glances behind him, It turns out the object Moxxie picked up was a TV remote.]
Moxxie: Oh, sh*t.
[Moxxie glances at the TV remote, the buttons looking like eyes and a face.]
Moxxie: Uh... do you, uh... Do you have a phone to summon 911?
Ralphie: *motions his thumb behind him* Yeah, it's in the kitchen.
Moxxie: Then... what is this for?
Ralphie: It's a universal remote. Got it for the kids.
[Ralphie hugs them as Moxxie smiles, eyes shining.]
Moxxie: Awwwww.
[The scene switches to Moxxie arriving at the portal with Blitzo and Moxxie at night.]
Blitzo: There he is. Have a good wank-off session, Moxxie?
Moxxie: Excuse me?
Blitzo: Look, I don't care where you cum in the living world. Just come to your job on time, alright?
[Blitzo pokes Moxxie several times for emphasis.]
Blitzo: See you at the office!
[Blitzo goes through the portal]
[Millie places her hand on Moxxie's cheek.]
Millie: You doing okay, sweetie?
Moxxie: Better now, honey. I think I just needed a minute to process.
[Millie touches Moxxie's chest.]
Millie: You have a goooood heart, honey.
[Millie playfully pinches Moxxie's nose.]
Millie: Just a fuzzy head!
[Millie kisses Moxxie and Moxxie smiles lovingly. Millie walks through the portal.]
Y/N: Hey, Uh, Thanks for saving our bacon, Dad
Moxxie: Your welcome Y/N
[Moxxie ruffles your hair, You smile]
Moxxie: Now, Go with your mother
Y/N: Got it
[You go through the portol]
[Moxxie turns around and notices two police cars and a helicopter outside the house.]
Loudspeaker voice: We got em', boys!
[A helicopter fires a missile through the roof and the house explodes in an massive inferno. Something hits Moxxie in the head. He looks down to see what is left of the teddy bear head. He looks stunned as Blitzo grabs his neck and pulls him through the portal.]
[The final scene cuts to Mayberry and the imps celebrating their victory. A white banner reads "killed the bitch" in red letters. You, Loona and Mrs. Mayberry are holding pieces of cake on their plates. "We did it! :)" is written on the cake in light blue icing. Blitzo has his arm in a sling. Everyone is wearing party hats. Everyone laughs and cheers except Moxxie, who sits with a distressed look on his face.]
Millie: *excitedly* Ahhh, did you see my little Mox-Mox?!
Mrs. Mayberry: Yaaay!
Blitzo: Ohhhh, yeah!
Y/N: Ha, That's my Dad!!
Millie: *hugs Moxxie* We did it! Oh, Moxxie!
Blitzo: Well, here's to another mission accomplished! And Moxxie finally learned not to f*ck up.
[Millie rubs Moxxie's head.]
Millie: And killin' people isn't that big of a deal if they try to kill you back!
Mrs. Mayberry: That's messed up.
[You turn towards Mrs. Mayberry and flash a cheesy smile at her]
Y/N: Buuuuuuut~
Mrs. Mayberry: But, I paid for it!
Y/N: Yeah you did
[Everyone except Moxxie laughs. Blitzo raises a fist.]
Blitzo: Yeah, f*ck that family!
